56 DOCTOR JOKES

Question 1

COVID-19 Humor

An Epidemiologist, an ICU doctor and a scientist walk into a bar...

Question 2

I Think I'm Chicken

Psychiatrist: What's your problem? Patient: I think I'm a chicken. Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on? Patient: Ever since I was an egg!

Question 3

Clone Jokes

We should ban jokes about clones... they're all the same!

Question 4

A Man Goes To The Optician Joke

A man goes to the Optician for his eye test. The Optician asks him what he can see. "I see empty airports, empty football stadiums, closed theaters, and closed pubs." "That's perfect," says the Optician. "You've got 2020 vision!"

Question 5

Stopped Drinking Coffee

I found that I have been happier since I changed from coffee in the morning to orange juice. My doctor explained that it's the vitamin C and natural sugars but I really think it's the vodka.

Question 6

Dentist X-Rays Joke

What to dentists call their X-Rays?

Question 7

Shrinking Man See's A Doctor

A man runs into the doctor's office screaming that he is shrinking. The doc says, "Calm down you just need to be a little patient."

Question 8

Gingerbread Man Treatment Joke

How did the gingerbread man treat his injured leg?

Question 9

A Guy Goes To The Doctor For A Checkup...

A guy goes to the doctor for a checkup and the doctor says,"Well sir, I have bad news and I have worse news". The guy says, "Well gimme the worst news first". The doc says, "Well sir you have Cancer". The guy says "That's terrible news, but whats the bad news?" The doc says "Well sir, you also have Alzheimers disease". "Well", answers the guy, "At least I don't have Cancer".

Question 10

Dogs Can't Read

Dogs can't read an MRI but CATScan!

Question 11

Nasty Virus

A man returns to the U.S. from overseas and is feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital, to undergo a barrage of extensive tests.The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings."This is your doctor. We've had the results back from your tests and we've found you have an extremely nasty virus, which is extremely contagious!" "Oh my gosh," cries the man. He's in a panic now. "What are you going to do, doctor?" "Well we're going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread." "Will that cure me?" asked the man hopefully. The doctor replied, "Well no, but ... it's the only food we can get under the door."

Question 12

Going Deaf Joke

The Doc told me I was going deaf... It was hard to hear.

Question 13

A Second Opinion

My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him, "If you don't mind, I'd like a second opinion." He said, "All right. You're ugly too!"

Question 14

Doctors And Lawyers Coke Joke

Two physicians boarded a flight out of Seattle. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, an attorney got on and took the aisle seat next to the two physicians. The attorney kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes, and was settling in when the physician in the window seat said, " I think I'll get up and get a coke." "No problem," said the attorney, "I'll get it for you." While he was gone, one of the physicians picked up the attorney's shoe and spat in it. When he returned with the coke, the other physician said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too." Again, the attorney obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the other physician picked up the other shoe and spat in it. The attorney returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the attorney slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. "How long must this go on?" he asked. "This fighting between our professions? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?"

Question 15

Quit Drinking Joke

My doctor has given me three days to give up drinking. I've picked the 5th of June, July 17th, and October 9th!

Question 16

Hospital Joke

What part of the hospital has the least privacy?

Question 17

Red Pen Joke

Why did the nurse need a red pen at work?

Question 18

An 86 Year Old Man Walked Into A Crowded Waiting Room Joke

An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk... The Receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?" "There's something wrong with my penis", he replied. The Receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that." “Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said. The Receptionist replied; "Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something, and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private." The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone. The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered. The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?" “There's something wrong with my ear", he stated. The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?" "I can't pee out of it," he replied......... The waiting room erupted in laughter!

Question 19

Your Girlfriend Is Pregnant Joke

Doctor: Your girlfriend Is pregnant. Guy: But doctor that can't be right. We use condoms everytime we have sex. Doctor: Well, the test result would suggest otherwise. Maybe the condom broke? Guy: No I'm sure it didn't. Doctor: Alright then. Let me tell you a story... A guy was wandering in the forest where he encountered a tiger. The tiger looked really ferocious and the guy knew that he was doomed. Cornered, the guy then points his umbrella's tip at the tiger and shouts BANG at the tiger. The tiger died. Guy: That can't be right. Someone else must have shot the tiger. Doctor: Exactly.

Question 20

Environmentalists

A rich lady from California, who was a tree hugger and a vociferous anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her private parts. In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest country doctor. Being a hunter himself, the doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited for three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry lady demanded, "What took you so long?" He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area... and I'm sorry, they all turned me down."

56 DOCTOR JOKES

Doctor Jokes

COVID-19 Humor

I Think I'm Chicken

Clone Jokes

A Man Goes To The Optician Joke

Stopped Drinking Coffee

Dentist X-Rays Joke

Shrinking Man See's A Doctor

Gingerbread Man Treatment Joke

A Guy Goes To The Doctor For A Checkup...

Dogs Can't Read

Nasty Virus

Going Deaf Joke

A Second Opinion

Doctors And Lawyers Coke Joke

Quit Drinking Joke

Hospital Joke

Red Pen Joke

An 86 Year Old Man Walked Into A Crowded Waiting Room Joke

Your Girlfriend Is Pregnant Joke

Environmentalists

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