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Theatrical Puns

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

Caught Sleeping On The Job

If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say "In Jesus Name, Amen"

Rodent Repellent Joke

Has anyone else used WD40 to get rid of mice?

Electric Car License

Does anybody know if you need a current driver's license to drive an electric car?

New Librarian

The new Librarian decided that instead of checking out children's books by writing the names of borrowers on the book cards herself, she would have the youngsters sign their own names. She would then tell them they were signing a "Contract" for returning the books on time. Her first customer was a second grader, who looked surprised to see a new Librarian. He brought four books to the desk and shoved them across to the Librarian, giving her his name as he did so. The Librarian pushed the books back and told him to sign them out. The boy laboriously printed his name on each book card and then handed them to her with a look of utter disgust. Before the Librarian could even start her speech he said, scornfully, "The other Librarian could write."

Lawyer And The Stop Sign Joke

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff. He thinks he's smarter being a big-shot lawyer from New York and has a better education than a sheriff from West Virginia. The sheriff asks for license and registration. The lawyer asks, "What for?" The sheriff responds, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign." The lawyer says, "I slowed down and no one was coming." "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration please," say the sheriff impatiently. The lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket." The sheriff says, "That sounds fair, please exit your vehicle." The lawyer steps out and the sheriff takes out his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer with it. The sheriff says, "Now tell me, do you want me to stop or just slow down?"

A Woman Scorn

A Woman tried to cut off her lover's penis, missed and cut his thigh, charged with a misdaweiner.

What Did The Egg Say To The Boing Water Joke

What did the egg say to the boing water?

Dubai Abu Dhabi Difference Joke

What is the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?

Drinking Problem Joke

I used to think drinking alcohol was bad for me, so I gave up thinking.

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